Current mood: Silently air guitar-ing...household still asleep.

What happens when you wake up and you suddenly realize: 'I am not liking my life routine?'

Pennies for your thoughts?

Hey everybody. It's 0527, awake and I find myself unable to fall back asleep. I think I should mention that I've been waking up around 0230 every day for the past week like clock work...it's not bothersome but it kinda bites when the rest of the household is dead asleep - wonder what would happen if I just started blasting Linkin Parks Bleed it out!! A thrown shoe? An impressive list of unpleasant words?.......just an errant thought .

So the realization? well here's the story:

one of my high school mates who use to live in sydney down the road from me moved to Melbourne because the company she was working for opened up a branch there and she had come back down to Sydney to get the rest of her things and we caught up. During our lunch she got a phone call that got her saying things like "who am I going to get...I don't know anyone...and it's too short notice" blah blah. It turns out that she works for a casting company, I'm such a dork of a friend....didn't know what my friend did for a living. She tells me that the girl that she hired to be a paid extra on a film couldn't do it and she didn't know anyone. So here's how the conversation went:

Me: is it in Melbourne? ( okay so you probably know where this is going)

Friend: Yep

Me: hand up in the air like a nerd answering a question - I'll do it!

Friend: What? come again?

Me: I'll do it! I have a cousin in Melbourne who I'm dying to see since moving over here...this way I get to see her and save your ass at the same time.

Friend: Perry? I don't mean to point out the obvious..but you haven't acted before and you don't know how to do anything else that doesn't involve Science and I don't think they would understand Science talk

Me: Hardy ha you plonker...look I get to visit you and hang out with my cousin and as long as their's food...i'm good to go.....besides..how hard can it be being an extra?

Before I knew it she had bought me my ticket and I told my cousin that I was on my way....I know...random right! Got there and it's exactly like Auckland - sorta....they're nicer than Sydney folk, the pace is cruisy but everything is huuuuuuuuuuuge! They have weird road rules and they have this thing with no right turns. I settled down and spent the whole 5 days with my cousins showing me around - it was awesome. They were shooting on a Sunday at this rented mansion and my friend had told me to bring three changes of clothing something that was party-ish without going overboard...so I did. We get inside, get changed then the director tells us what the scenes about (pool party scene where the drug dealer and his gilfriend attend meets the main character and they talk blah blah blah) and where he wants the extra's. It was the coolest thing I did...had a mean as time and it was exactly what I needed. For that one night....for 8hours..they gave me $900AUD the next day ...I think i've found my calling .

I get home and I'm telling my boyfriend all about it and then again to my work mates who couldn't stop slinging words like 'random' and mocking me about being to cool for them now.....grabbing my signature before I appeared on the red carpet . As it happens, my friend kept giving me jobs....and I've been doing them...flying back and forth to Melbourne since I came back from my birthday trip in March and it's the best fun I've had in my entire life!. I've saved every penny for my end of the year trip I've mentioned in the last blog and I'm more excited about it now than I ever was - yipee!.

I was on such a high it was sooooo hard to stop thinking about the things I wanted to try and never had the chance to or too drop to do them and came up with a lame excuse. 3weeks ago, my work mates and I decided that we deserved a chill out night from the long nights in the lab so we bought beers, junk and went to our boss' house, blasted the sounds, laughed like cats and dogs and by the time we realized we were out of beer...we all wanted to go out. We went to a few pubs until we settled on one that was crowded no dancing just everyone together drinking and it had a guy and his band playing. I took a shot of Tequila and I knew I had reached my limit for the night - look I hadn't done shots in a while oooookay?. I was being shoved somewhere and I didn't know where and everyone was like shouting and clapping and cheering that before I knew where I was going....It was too too late. My mates had volunteered me to sing on the stage(imagine a cozy decent size pub but with a small step up stage up in the front with the bar in the centre), my throat was burning from the shot and I was laughing in hysterics I swear I nearly pissed my pants and I kept telling everyone if they didn't move they would see the Samoan version of the hulk. I turned to step down, I realized that at that moment, this would be one of those moments I'll never forget and I heard myself whisper "why not?" I turned around picked up the guitar and everyone just screamed I couldn't believe what I was doing! I got the mic and said "I've never done this so If you laugh...I'm gonna kill you" everyone did just that and laughed. So I sang the only song that came to mind I knew how to play and the whole lyrics to in that moment. I grabbed the bar stool, sat and grabbed the mic and sang Rascal Flatts Bless the broken road.

Everything was eerie quite, I had my eyes closed...as soon as I opened them, everyone gave a piercing cheer and knew that this was the best night of my life and on the verge of crying because I didn't have the boyfriend & my besties to share it with. I said the last thing I thought I'd say "I've got some bad news........I think I'm getting comfy" everyone was whistling and before I could make it down the manager shouted out "who wants to hear another song" and I looked on, shocked, mouth open...possibly drooling and before I knew it they were shouting 'encore'. You know those moments where you think.....this can't be happening, these moments only happen to other people? or that only happens in the movies? I was completely gobsmacked because it was everything I never knew I wanted...not only the singing and the acting stints but being hysterically happy and living, everything I made an excuse for or put on hold whilst at university.

I just started laughing and said "you'll be sorry you said that" with everyone cheering and whistling I grabbed the guitar again, sat back down and quickly thought about a song.....I remembered I couldn't stop singing this up-and-comer's song from the states I had on repeat on my iPod. Cleared my throat, strummed and sang Matt Nathanson' Come on get higher (check it out...I love the song). After I had done song, everyone, including the guy who was playing for that night kept asking 'what's the name of that song', 'who's the artist', 'holy shit...that was awesome'....I thought about asking Matt Nathanson about getting commission for promoting him - haaaaaaaaaa. Got down and the manager decided as payment to give me free beers the whole night (say whaaaaaat!) and I wasn't gonna refuse him.

So here's what I discovered about myself in that one night: I realized that growing up we're governed by rules that allowed us to think that we needed to be realistic about what we wanted to do and become because that's how it's suppose to be, that people can't really do what they really wanted to do because only a few ever or elite get that chance, that people in my world don't get the luxury of living out their dreams because from the moment you could grasp the concept of the real world....everyone tells you how its meant to be...how it's really meant to be and I realized that I've been fighting that kind of thinking my entire life...doing things that only few Pacific Islanders get the chance to do....University, going to London/Amsterdam/Japan, getting a degree. People tell us that after Uni you go straight to work and climb that ladder and then when you're retired you get to do anything you want and that's that but I realized that I'm 27 and have done nothing but study my damn butt off from high school to university and life is passing me by so fast that I haven't really lived. I'm happy that I got the degree but if I were to die tomorrow, I would've left with so many regrets and I definitely do not want to wait till I'm retired to start living. Science will have to take the backseat for now but don't get me wrong, I love being surrounded by patient specimens, blood, patients, running tests & doing reports that I can do this everywhere and anywhere in the world and I knew at that moment, that I wasn't gonna be in Sydney for very long.

So you see, I've always known where I wanted to be (in the field volunteering, working for world health and traveling, singing and playing the guitar at random pubs haaaaaaa) I just didn't know how to get there and now.......knowing I'm now exactly where I wanna be in my life, to have fun, rocking out with music whether it be in a pub or air guitaring it, being a dork, traveling, volunteering in projects in Honduras, Peru, teaching in China, Conservation work in Costa Rica.....endless and endless opportunity and the fact that I know I'm gonna be doing all of this, makes me realize that for the first time.....I'm loving my future.

I got in contact with a few volunteering organisation's like i-to-i.com(a website dedicated to volunteering, community help, teaching - basically everything I want), doctor's without borders (an organisation that travel around 3rd world countries to diagnose, treat, prevent and do surgeries etc) to oxfam international. All have said that it would be the hardest, toughest, heart wrenching experience in my life but to have a hand in changing countless lives, is rewarding and to also prepare for uncontrollable crying - so bring boxes and boxes of tissue.

I know for me, travelling, playing the guitar, filming, taking pictures and being hysterically happy is the best job...not a job really...but then again...if you’re loving what you do...you’ll never have to work a day in your life. Plus! I hopefully get to meet a lot of you guys on myspace...got to a few of you up-and-comers shows in the music business like Austin Gibbs, Sam Bradley, Melanie Fiona, Parachute, Bec Hollcraft and Craig Williams to name a few.

Alright....all this blogging has got me hungry....time for this human to eat. I’ll hopefully keep you guys posted (or myself in the case that I’m talking to no-one haaaaaaa).

Until fingers meet keyboard

Tofa Soifua (good-bye in Samoan)

Me