So, more "better late than never" blogs from when I was in Vietnam. I've said it before, but these were written for friends/family so are a bit sweary/colloquial and probably have terrible spelling and grammar! Sorry...

Sapa
Sunday 17th May 2009
Sapa was totally different to anything I've ever experienced - awful and amazing in equal measures. I met the rest of my group at 8pm on Thursday - Emma, Alison, Matthew, Natalie and Jen. Apart from Emma (who's Canadian) they were all American so I was the sole English representative! We got the night train to Lao Cai, which was much nicer than I had been expeting - quite roomy and plush! Still didn't get much sleep though, very bumpy, and was woken at 4:30am by a lady walking up and down the coridoor shouting "good morning - coffee!" Once we'd got to Sapa (a 2 hour journey on a realy cramped bus) we ate breakfast of bread and eggs - foodstuff which was to become quite a theme of the weekend!
After breakfast everyone bought ponchos. I'd borrowed Rosie's rain jacket but got the poncho to put over the top and keep my rucksack dry, and I'm very glad I did! The first day of the trek was to be about 7km, stopping for lunch on the way before heading to the homestay for the night. It was drizzling as we set off but soon started to pour with rain and we were all soaked. I was wearing my trainers, but they were velcro fastening and open at the top so certainly NOT footwear appropriate for awful weather. Of course, it was very muddy too and my crappy shoes were soon ruined and cutting my ankles to shreds. Basically, I was cold, wet, in pain and I was treking. All things I do NOT enjoy. For about 2 hours the only words that came out of my mouth were f*ck, sh*t, b*ll*cks or w*nk, or a combination of all four. I was the stereotypical moany English woman and I HATED Sapa. I did not want to admire the beautiful scenery, or take any sodding photos. I wanted to go home and get dry, and clean. I was a bitch - I was THE bitch. I couldn't even raise a smile at Matthew and Zao (our split performing tour guide) chucking massive rocks in an attempt to "bro out" and create stepping stones over a river that looked much better suited to white water rafting than treking through. Then (and this could only happen to me) I took a fatally ill-advised route (which had seemed to me to be a short cut, but was being avoided by the others for an excellent reason) and ended up knee deep - literally - in goat sh*t. I even lost one of my shoes in the stuff and had to fish it out. I was swearing, wearing the least flattering poncho known to man, and covered in poo up to my knees. Everyone laughed at me, and I had to join in. It broke the ice, and my mood!
Over lunch it stopped raining, and after more bread and eggs plus two cans of full calorie coke (or soda, as the Americans called it) I was feeling a little better and we set off for the homestay after a squat piss in a delightfull toilet shack. It wasn't anywhere near as bad as the morning trek, and by now we were all well used to wading through deep waterfalls and muddy puddles, no problemo. We soon arrived at the homestay and were able to shower, and enjoy green tea and the most delicious "french fries" known to man. It was also an opportunity for the local women to sell their wares and rip off the "rich" tourists staying in their village. As a total sucker completely unable to haggle I spent the most of all of us and now have many, many Sapa souvenirs. Dinner that night was amazing, and we all ate loads and loads, accompanied by "happy water" aka locally produced rice wine, which was lethal stuff. We laughed long and hard about the days events, particulaly the rocks in the river and me in the sh*t incidents, as well as Zao's warnings of "be careful - the man, he carry a tree" and "it's slippy" (both of which were painfully obvious) and Matthew and Emma's rice field conversation which resulted in Matt having to remind Emma that "actually, I'm NOT a rice farmer." There are many more - I guess you had to be there!
After a great nights sleep in amazing, mozi net covered loft beds, and a yummy pancake breakfast we set off for the final leg of our trek. We were accompanied by several local women, who were obviously hoping we'd get our wallets out again. These women - all tiny - basically carried us along the slippy, trecherous route and there is no doubt that we would all have fallen to our deaths without them. It goes without saying that we all bought plenty more Sapa "goodies" from them when we stopped for lunch - I paid Cooh (who had walked with me, saving my life on many occasions) a small Vietnamese fortune for two purses, and was guilted into buying more from all the other women, especially a wizened, bony old girl whose selling pitch of "no more babies for me" was equally obvious and successful.
Our return to Sapa town was a relief - treking is not really my bag, as you will all well know. I was able to buy some fabulously cute pink hello kitty plastic slip-on shoes to replace my wrecked trainers, which I threw away. I love them - tacky and amazing. Then it was back to the night train for another awful bumpy night.
So to summerise Sapa - definitly the most beautiful place I've even been to (photos will come when I'm back in England) and I'm so glad I went. Could have been (and definitly was on Friday morning!) totally awful, but thanks to an ability to laugh in even the worst situations and a great bunch of people, I had a brilliant time. Not keen on anymore eggs for a while though...

Choking, Beer and Football, and Temples
Monday 18th May 2009
Luckily, this note does not involve any stories which end with me stuck in goat poo.
Yesterday evening was the first time I met our Orient Star House "new boy" Tom, and went with him and Rosie to a nearby restaurant for tea (yes Rosie, it's tea not supper!). All was going well until I choked on my last mouthfull of beef stir fry and nearly died (I did honestly think I might choke to death in a Vietnamese restaurant that serves pigeon and ostrich). Luckily Rosie gave me an almighty whack on the back and I am still alive to tell the tale. Very embarrasing, what with the bulging eyes and very unatractive choke/burp noises, probably won't go back to that restaurant in a hurry! Obviously after that drama I needed a beer, so we went to the bar next door to our guesthouse, which was showing Albion v Liverpool. You all probably know that Albion lost and are now officially relegated which meant I needed much more beer (plus, it was my first night out with Tom so welcome drinks were also required). It was a really good night to be fair - Len and Peter had joined us too so it was the whole house out, and we stayed until chucking out time drinking copious amount of Hanoi beer :)
I felt surprisingly ok this morning so after work headed to the Old Quarter where I had pizza and chocolate cake for lunch with some English guys I met. Yummy (the lunch, not the blokes). Then after sending my postcards (expect them soon, you chosen few whose addresses I know!) I visited Jade Mountain Temple, which is in the middle of Hoan Kiem Lake, and is accessed by a lovely red bridge. It's one of the most important temples in Hanoi apparently, and was very pretty. I took plenty of pictures and then headed off in search of breakfast cereal, which I have been craving more than I can explain. On the way I passed a monument to a late Vietnamese king and took some more touristy photos before wandering aimlessly around (although I bought a lovely scarf for Ma from one of the shops I accidentally went into!) and finally finding my mecca - a supermarket selling not only breakfast cereal but also pasta sauce! I was HAPPY, and even more so when I returned home to find Rosie and Tom had also been to a shop selling the stuff and also bought a jar! Tomorrow night's tea will be epic.
Finally, Rosie is in the process of persuading me to get a tattoo. She's nearly convinced me, as long as the hostel says it's safe, hygenic etc.

• Vietnam
• sapa
• Hanoi